Tuesday, November 16, 2010
New Ending
In an instant moment of time, the walls stopped inching closer and closer to me. All I could think was, 'Yes there is hope in deed!' I vigorously searched the dark, gloomy, unwelcoming cell for the reason as to why I am still breathing a breath of air. There in the dark corner, wrenched in-between the walls was that gory pendulum! My once death sentence is my life sentence. Hope is keeping me alive! The pendulum must have fallen just right from the ceiling to wedge itself to stop the walls. My hope is rising. My adrenaline is kicking into high gear. I will live! A slight crack in the door and a hand slowly reaches out...suspense seems to build. The hand opens, closes, and then disappears. Weird. While my eyes search up and down the cell to find a way out, I catch a glimpse of smokey air seeping from the door. The hand must have released the gas, but why and how?!?!? The hand never dropped anything. The smokey air seems to grow bigger and bigger. A horrid, suffocating smell fills my nose, my mouth, my heart, my lungs. The air makes its way through my body slowly but surely. A coughing fit arises. I am have moments of rest and then moments of uneasiness. I cant feel my body at all. All is numb. My vision is becoming cloudy. Where am I? Who is in front of me? A pounding fills my ears. My breath shortens. I can't breath. My time is near, I can feel. There are those judges in front of me with a gavel. Pound. The gavel knocks me out. The deadly air engulfs my body. I....
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Great descriptions and tie ins. The whole bit about the smoke fits in really well with the original story, like something Poe would have infliced. Bringing the judges back too, and the gavel is really inspired and really ties up the story neatly.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what JBuss said. But I want to add that your adjectives are great and the way you brought the thought process in and thought of an interesting way to end the story is truly amazing. You showed emotions very well.
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